Away With The Nargles
by make-me-laugh-NOW
Summary: one fine SE lesson last year Igor and Pugsley of Mutation Castle (our school) got very bored... so bored, it would seem, that they decided to write a slash fic. long did they deliberate over the... victims... of this fic. then it was decided. and the rest


Away With The Nargles Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** **Both Pugsley and I (Igor) acknowledge that we do not own these characters and that we have done a horrendous thing and we both are truly sorry for any pain or mental anguish we have caused.**

Harry lay his glasses down on his bedside table thinking that he deserved a good nights rest. Sleep was instant bringing with it the same dream that Harry had been having for the past four months...

... Harry stood beneath the mistletoe in the DA room. Cho was so close that Harry could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes. Suddenly, Cho was not leaning in for the kiss but Professor Dumbledore was. "Be mine Harry, I know you want to," he whispered. Then Hermione was standing before Harry. "He's right you know... go on kiss him, otherwise, you could give him your firebolt, now that Umbrige doesn't have it." Hermione changed back into Dumbledore. "I want you Harry," he said as he came even closer to Harry. They were scant millimetres apart when Ron stood where Dumbledore had been only moments before. He looked rather hurt. "You know, I don't see what Dumbledore would do with your firebolt Harry," he protested. "If you're giving it away, give it to me!" Harry was about to reply when he found himself passionately entwined with Professor Dumbledore. His wild fantasies were abruptly punctured by...

Dumbledore sat behind his desk, flexing his long fingers. His half moon spectacles had been thrown onto the desk in an urgent plight to see better, although he knew he couldn't see without them. "What's going on?" he thought to himself, "I haven't felt like tins in over 50 years... That young Esmerelda Bowston was quite a character... Oh Albus, what's happening to you?" he had no other choice then, with the thoughts he was thinking, but to write a letter to Harry Potter urgently. He would be asleep, but that didn't matter, this couldn't wait. Albus was sexually deprived and only a young, supple 16 year old boy could fulfil his dreams. He hastily wrote the letter and told Fawkes to give it to Hedwig to deliver it urgently to Harry. This had to work. It had to.

Harry Potter awoke early on Sunday morning to a loud pecking noise coming from the dorm window. He groggily pulled the covers off his warm body and nearly pulled the curtains of his four-poster down as he clamoured out of bed. "Hedwig!" he whispered, now wide awake, and ran to the window to open it. Hedwig flew in, hooting loudly. Neville groaned and rolled over.

A/N: ok, who actually knew that one of the original Von Trapp Family singers (as in the family that the movie 'the sound of music' was based on) was called Hedwig? How uber cool is that? Note: uber is Dutch or something for super.... And now back to the main feature...

"Hedwig! Calm down! What's wrong? Get over here!" Hedwig had flown over and landed above Seamus' head and promptly excreted her bodily waste. Seamus woke up with a shout and rounded on Harry, "what the- a bird- A BIRD?!?!"

"Sorry Seamus, she's acting really weird. Hedwig, _come her now_!" Hedwig flew down to Harry's awaiting arm and let go of the letter that had previously been clamped in her beak. Harry opened it hastily. It was Professor Dumbledore's handwriting and was obviously written frantically.

Dear Harry,

Kindly make your way to my office immediately. I have some matters of great importance to discuss with you. The password is "chocolate frog".

Sincerely,

Albus.

Harry reread the letter several times before realising that Dumbledore's request had been immediate arrival at his office. He quickly got changed. A quick scrugify to Seamus' face and Harry was scrambling through the portrait hole in the direction of Dumbledore's office.

Why did Professor Dumbledore want him so urgently? Was it something about the Dursleys? Were they all dead? Had the all been mercilessly decapitated by aggravated mutated sea bass? No, his imagination was running away with the Nargles. What on earth could be going on? And why- WHY- did he sign it with 'Albus"??? His feet must have known the way because the next thing he knew he was standing in front of the stone gargoyle.

Harry looked at the letter still clutched in his hand," chocolate frog," he thought aloud. The stone gargoyle sprang to life and Harry stepped onto the slowly ascending spiral staircase.

When he got to the top of the slowly ascending spiral staircase he hesitated. "Could this be a prank from Malfoy?" he thought, "it couldn't be, the stone gargoyle had accepted the password, but he still couldn't understand why Dumbledore had needed him so urgently. What could be so important that even Hedwig had been in frenzy?

Had the headmaster finally used occulemency, like Harry had always wished he would? Had he seen Harry's longing for what he thought would never happen? Would this be all Harry's dreams and so much more?

"Well," Harry thought, "there's only one way to find out." And with that, he gave a sharp knock on the door.

Everything was ready. The time was right. The lights in Dumbledore's office were dimmed, mood music filled the air. Dumbledore sat behind his desk, wearing leather pants and a sheer singlet, fingertips pressed together.

A/N: oh dear god... insert shuddering of authors here... so unclean...

He was waiting, waiting for the knock that would signal Harry's arrival. Would it be sharp and knowing, he wondered, or soft and innocent. He couldn't stand it any longer; he stood up abruptly and started to pace the room.

What would Harry's reaction be? The thought occurred to Dumbledore, would he accept what I'm about to offer him and do what I ask of him? His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. "Perfect," he thought, "sharp and knowing, it's all my dreams and so much more..." And with that he quickly strode into his bedchambers.

The door swung open and Harry stepped into Professor Dumbledore's office. The lights were dimmed and lilting tunes danced from an unknown source. The office was empty but Harry sensed that Dumbledore was near. He walked around the office, taking in the soft whirring and tinkering that was constantly emitting from Dumbledore's delicate instruments on their trolleys. A door leading out of the office to more rooms opened and a sliver of light fell across the dim room. Harry's pace quickened, would this be it? His heart skipped a beat as Dumbledore stepped into the office smiling. Harry smiled in spite of himself.

It was lunch and Harry sat alone at the Gryffindor table. No one else had arrived yet. Harry didn't care as he was still in a daze after his encounter. He could feel Professor Dumbledore's eyes on him but he dared not return the gaze. No one was ever to know.

Ron and Hermione entered the great hall and came rushing up to Harry. "Where have you been?" Ron demanded, "I woke up and you were gone!"

"Yes, and we looked everywhere!" Hermione added, "we even checked the Quidditch pitch and the DA room. Hagrid said he hadn't seen you since yesterday and Ron says Hedwig was in your dorm so you couldn't have been in the owlery." Ron nodded in agreement and the said, "ok Harry, lets hear it, where were you this morning."

Harry was dumbstruck. It had never occurred to him to think of an excuse to feed to Hermione and Ron. "Well, it's not like I had a lot of time," he thought. "Umm, Dumbledore wanted to see me, err, about, umm..." Harry couldn't think of a reason why Dumbledore would want to talk to him. Well, he could, but not of one that he could tell Ron and Hermione about. "Think! What would Dumbledore talk to you about!?" unwittingly Harry pressed his forehead into the base of his palm as he thought.

"Harry, you all right mate?" Ron sounded worried.

"Is your scar hurting? Because if it's not just prickling maybe you should go see Professor Dumbledore." Hermione suggested.

"Yeah," said Harry, "Pain, not hungry, Dumbledore..." And with that he stood up and walked out of the great hall which was now filling with hungry students and teachers, except for Dumbledore who had left when Harry had, and tried to look like he was in a lot of pain.

"Well," said Ron as he started to pile his plate with food, "That was weird."

"Yes, it was all my dreams and so much more, wait, what did I just say? Anyway, he never did tell us where he was this morning you know," Hermione said.

"Yeah," Said Ron, his mouth full of steak and kidney pie, "He's away with the Nargles that one."

The End

By Igor and Pugsley

A/N: huzza! Yes! IT IS COMPLETE!!! Please review though don't expect anymore as that probably wont EVER happen unless we get multiple requests from A LOT of people. Toodles

REVIEW!!!! proceeds to do haka like dance until tackled and put into a sack by Pugsley.


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